An Introduction

I am not entirely certain that I know my purpose for starting this blog. I think a part of me just wants to get it out – to put down in writing what’s in my head. I also think, in part, that it could be a good tool to share with others who want to know what we are going through. I am not even entirely sure how much I want to share here. Of course, the technical side of things…but I am hoping I can be brave enough to also share the emotional side. I will work on that…

 Until then, here is our story so far:

 You know how you don't know how badly you want something until you can't have it? Then, you want it so much that it's all you eat, sleep, and dream about. Well, that's my tale of trying to get pregnant....

 I have dreamed my whole life about being a mother...it might actually be the only dream I ever had (aside from being rich and famous, of course!). I always wanted to be the "soccer mom" – the kind of mom who runs her kids all over town to practices and friends’ houses, who makes their birthday cakes and helps them with their science fair projects.

 It was June 2011 when Jared and I started talking seriously about starting a family. We had been married over a year and I had just quit my job an hour away in favor of a job not only less than a mile from our house but that also allows me to make my own schedule.  So at the end of June I stopped taking my birth control pills with the intention of giving my body some time to get back into the swing of things and to officially “stop trying to NOT have a baby” after we went to the beach the first week of August. I remember phrasing it this way because I didn’t want to get TOO excited (in retrospect, it’s like I already had a premonition that this was not going to be easy).

 In July, when my period normally would have come, it didn’t show up. I had read that it could take some time for the body to start doing its thing again so I didn’t immediately panic. But when I still had had no period by August, I emailed my doctor. She said to wait 3 months before making an appointment…well, 3 months came and went so I went in for blood work. Everything came back normal. So she referred me to an OBGYN, who put me on Provera – a pill a day for 10 days that was supposed to “jump start” my cycle. Three rounds of this and nothing. Now I was starting to worry.

 The next step? A consult with a fertility doctor in Danville (which is an hour and 20 minutes away – a drive that I have done so many times by now I am pretty sure I could get there in my sleep). It was now January 2012, six months since I stopped my Pill.

Our first fertility clinic appointment left Jared and I feeling a bit discouraged…we realized that was it could be a very long road. It began with blood work for both of us (which was normal), then a semen analysis (again, normal), then in the spring I had a procedure called a hysterosalpingogram (HSG). Let’s just say having dye shot into your fallopian tubes (to make sure they are open) is not a pleasant experience…I think I frightened every person on the radiation floor with my screaming. It was quite the traumatizing day. But again, all looked normal. By this time the doc was able to induce a period (which I had to have to get the HSG and all subsequent fertility treatments) – a combo of Provera and estrogen, a 31-day cycle of pills, did the trick.

 After the HSG, we needed a break. Plus, the doc said that some people have success getting pregnant after an HSG because it can clear out a partial blockage in the tubes (which could be why it was so painful for me). So we decided to just do our own thing for a few months…but nothing – no baby and no period. Things were just not working.

 September 2012

In August, I started my pills to get my period so we could begin treatments for infertility. (They still have not given me an official diagnosis – it’s unexplained infertility and/or ovulation problems). In September 2012, I did my first round of Clomid – a pill a day for five days – that is to stimulate my follicles/eggs to grow. However, the dosage was too low and my follicles did not grow enough so the cycle was cancelled. No period.

 November 2012

So October was “period pills” month and we were back in November to try another round of Clomid – 100 mg this time.  This time my follicles were big enough to “trigger” – meaning I got an injection of HCG (human chorionic gonadotropin ) in my belly that is to trigger me to ovulate in about 24 hours.  At this point, we wanted to keep some part of this process “natural” so we opted for timed intercourse over intrauterine insemination (IUI). The bad news: no baby. The good news: my period arrived! I was actually very happy about this because it meant that as long as I was getting my period, (a) I was likely ovulating, and (b) we would be able to try every month rather than having to take a month off between each cycle for me to take my pills to get my period.

 December 2012

The doc upped my Clomid dosage again – to 150MG – and again my follicles reached a good size (although it took longer than expected) and there were 4 of them, which is good. This time we decided to go with the IUI – no more messing around!  On IUI day, Jared has an appointment to do his part –cough cough wink wink – and then they “wash” his sample (ie. weeding out the marathon swimmers from the lazy ones) and 2 hours later I have my appointment where the doctor uses a catheter to inject the sperm into my uterus. Not a very pleasant experience but not horrible.

 I let myself get too excited in the December cycle. I don’t know why but I had convinced myself that it had worked. My period started the day before Christmas Eve and I was totally devastated.

 January 2013

Back to Danville we went. Another round just like December – 150 mg Clomid with HCG trigger and IUI. This time I had to give myself my HCG injection at home for the first time (instead of a nurse at the clinic doing it) – I was so stressed! But this round failed and my period arrived.

 February 2013

So that brings us to the present. I was just at the clinic last week for my baseline scan (first ultrasound of the cycle to ensure there are no cysts on my ovaries and that everything looks good). This time, the doc asked if I wanted to try a new drug – Femara. I course! I’ll try anything! It’s an oral drug just like Clomid. I feel pretty much the same as I did on Clomid although my night sweats, which were my only Clomid side effect, seem to be worse. I go back next week for my first scan to see how I am reacting and how big the follicles are.