It just shouldn't be this hard...

So I was in Danville last week for my first scan after taking Femara…I was trying not to get my hopes up but I thought I would get at least the same results as I did with Clomid, if not better. Well, there was not a measurable follicle to be found. Even on my first round of Clomid at the lowest dose I had SOME response…but there was NOTHING. I was really upset. The doctor said that we will definitely start me on injectable meds next time and to not get discouraged.  I hate it but when I go to the doctor by myself -- he just sounds like the teacher from Charlie Brown – I just don’t have a full understanding of what’s being said. (Plus, our doc has a pretty thick accent that takes some getting used to.) All I remember is a few fragmented phrases: “If we can just get you to ovulate…so we can get you pregnant…you have been with us for such a long time.” That last part was the killer: “You have been with us for such a long time.” I felt like I was now not only in the small number of women who need infertility treatment, I am now also in the even smaller number who have basic infertility treatment not work.  And wasn’t I ovulating the last 2 cycles?? If all of this wasn’t enough, when I relayed the info to Jared he reminded me…when there’s no follicles, there’s no period! So I am stuck taking my 31-day round of pills to get my period. I went from being hopefully about our February cycle to facing not being able to try again until APRIL.

 The doc had me return for one last scan in a few days to be sure the follicles didn’t grow, which they didn’t. Plus, at this appointment, I got more information about the injectable treatment I was in for in 2 months. There was no good news – more visits to the clinic, injections every day, blood work and scans, and more money. They even made me sit down with the insurance lady and sign a paper saying she went over my maximum out of pocket costs.

 As an aside here, I have amazing insurance coverage thanks to my wonderful husband being willing to work at a job he doesn’t really like that is an hour away. LOVE YOU!! We are beyond thankful that, at least at this point, we do not have to worry about how to pay for treatment. Now if we get into IVF, it could be a whole new ball game.

After this appointment I was realizing that we were moving into a new realm of treatment. The basics had not worked and now it was getting more invasive. I have really found myself questioning how far I am willing to go to get pregnant. I know, I know – most people would think, “if you really want to have a baby, you’d do anything”. But there’s a part of me that feels that it just shouldn’t be this hard.  And I am beginning to open to the idea that maybe it is not in God’s plan for me to have children.

So at this point, we have decided to definitely try one round of the injectable meds and see how it goes. But Jared and I have started to have some serious discussions about our “no kids” life and what it might look like. As of now, it's some time off from everything and waiting for spring...