How to have a full scale melt down in the hospital pharmacy…

So after 2 weeks of waiting for my period to come after the Femara failure (which I knew it wouldn’t) and then my 31-day cycle of pills to induce a period, we were back at the clinic this week! It was actually kind of nice to have had the 6 week break. It gave me the opportunity to relax and focus my energy on things other than fertility meds…driving to Danville for scans…am I eating enough?...am I running too much?...am I ever going to be able to get pregnant?...It was like my brain got to be just a little bit quieter for a brief moment in time.

We knew we were starting injectable meds this cycle so Jared came along to my baseline scan appointment, which he doesn’t normally do. I knew I’d be getting injection instructions and I have a tendency to not listen when it’s important that I really pay attention. J (I am SO thankful he was there!) All went fine with the scan, everything looked good and we even got the happy news that our insurance would cover everything and we didn’t need to pay anything out of pocket up front. After my scan, they sent me next door for a blood draw (injectable meds involve scans as well as the monitoring of blood work – oh joy) and then I was to go the pharmacy in the hospital to pick up my meds (Follistim is the name of the new drug) and come back to the clinic for my injection lesson. I would be starting my first injection that night (cycle day 3). When we went to the pharmacy, I verified that they had gotten the script from the doctor and she began to get it ready. Then she called me up to the window – as it turns out, because it is such expensive medication, our insurance requires that we obtain it from a “Walgreens Preferred Pharmacy” – a mail order company – and that it had to be shipped to us!

I have to explain that upon entering the clinic and Geisinger Hospital in general again, I found myself to be on edge…I have so many sad and frustrating memories of this place – it’s like I was just waiting for the floor to drop out from under me. So when I heard this, I lost it. I pretty much had a panic attack and began to sob uncontrollably in the pharmacy.  I just remember thinking that if we couldn’t get the meds I wouldn’t be able to start the new cycle that night and I would have to take Clomid again, which doesn’t work, or go through another 2 month break. I just felt that cloud forming over me again – “it just shouldn’t be this hard”. I was overwhelmed in one moment with all the awful things that I try not to let come to the surface…it’s not fair that other people can just get pregnant…why is this happening to us?...Did we do something to deserve this?...I am never going to be able to get pregnant.

Long story short – despite the efforts of the wonderful pharmacy tech, who was on the phone for 40 minutes trying to get Highmark to grant us a one-time emergency exception, it was a no-go. Thankfully, we found out that the company could overnight the meds to us and, although not ideal, I could start the injections the next day (CD4). Did I freak out for nothing? Pretty much, haha. It made for a very long and exhausting morning…

So here’s where we are – 1 injection a day (they are easy peasy – in the belly, tiny needle, no pain – even a reusable injection pen which is way easy to use)…I go back to Danville in a few days for a scan and new blood work. Based on how things look, he could increase my dosage. (This is the nice aspect of injectables – with oral meds, I wouldn’t be able to increase dosage until the next cycle.) The nurse told me to expect probably 8-10 injection days until I am ready for my HCG trigger shot (to ovulate) and an IUI.  I am trying to not to get my hopes up because, as I learned with Femara, there is just no way to know how my body will react to any medication (stupid lazy ovaries!!). But, right now, I am thankful to be starting a new chance at getting pregnant.